I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
