"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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