yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
