Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
