college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
