I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize