sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
