I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize