I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Randomize
