I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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