I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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