Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
That accounts for only three of the penises
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
