somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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