Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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