Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
