Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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