yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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