His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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