If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
