She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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