Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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