remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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