I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
