I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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