oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
