Can i not drive my cunt home
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize