I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
