Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
