remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
