Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
