His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
