i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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