OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Randomize
