im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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