there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
