Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
