just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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