a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The best revenge is premature balding
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
