note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My ass is underappreciated
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
