im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Just invented taco cereal.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize