You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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