how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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