She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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