Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
