I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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