Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
