if i can run in heels then i can drive
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
