this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
