Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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