i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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