I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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