so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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