I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
