Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
