I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
