even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
