i already hear my dad disowning me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
