I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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