and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
