Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
