I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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