a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found the puke drawer
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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