The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
