His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize