No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
