He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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