I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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