If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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