I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
is it fun? or sober?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
