if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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