just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
