Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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