ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize