Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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