The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
