i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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