All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
