Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
