Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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