I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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