dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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