i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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