Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Randomize
