she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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