Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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