Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
